Anger and Hope (trusting God after miscarriage)
I decided a while back that I want to be the same person everywhere I go. I don’t want to hide or change who I am. I want to be me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I believe when we put on masks there is real damage that is done. We say we are okay, pretend we don’t sin, and watch what we say because we are afraid people will be offended by what is going on in our lives. That to me is about as far from Jesus as you can get. And I believe that until you show your ugly side the healing process cannot begin. That’s why I want to write about my struggle of trusting God after miscarriage.
It’s one thing to say that, but it’s much harder to actually live that way. It sounds so easy, but to express your doubts, fears, and struggles can be hard. But I think it’s worth the risk.
In our culture we place far too much value on looking the part. Saying the right words, avoiding the wrong ones. But I don’t think that’s healthy. There are thousands of people that have dealt with this. And PC answers just do not suffice. So here it is, here’s my story and the lessons I have learned from having a miscarriage and trusting God.
My Story
I doubt I’ll ever forget the first night after we miscarried… It’s one of those things that you just can’t prepare for. It was always someone else’s problem, somebody else’s story. Until it became mine. And I had no idea how to live it out. So there I am lying in bed trying to process these feelings. I wouldn’t say I was talking with God, in all honesty I was more talking at God.
I’ll spare the details, but I was angry, hurt, and unsure sure of why things had to happen the way that they did.
After what seemed like a lifetime of laying in bed, crying, staring blankly at the wall and praying what felt like empty prayers that became increasingly desperate, my focus shifted. I don’t know why but the story of Job came into my head. Job experienced more loss than I will experience in a lifetime. I wonder what he felt and the thoughts he had.
And I started thinking about God’s response to Job when he asked why he was allowed to suffer so much. If you are familiar with the story you know God doesn’t give an answer but rather for pages goes on and on about how He is God and Job is not.
I gotta be honest, I think that sounds like bull to me. I want an answer. I want to know why this happened. I want a reason for this chaos. I want to know why God decided not to let me hold my baby.
I think what I was really searching for was comfort. I wanted to know that God was there and He cared. I started praying asking God to show me that he cared about what I was going through. I asked Him to show up to me in a physical way. I wanted to feel him with me; I wanted to feel comfort of some kind. I wanted to know that despite the fact of how I felt, that somehow, in some way, He was still in control and things would work out.
I fell asleep alone that night, with no comfort and no answer to my prayer.
Trusting God After Miscarriage
It’s been a strange journey to process this loss. It’s a hard thing to wrap your head around. Some days it just seems like it wasn’t real. Other days it seems all too real. Some nights all I want is to pour another drink and forget, to not face reality for a few moments. Other nights I’m angry and still yet some nights seem totally normal. It’s a strange mix of emotions that I wasn’t prepared for.
I wish I had something more comforting to say, but I don’t. I’ve preached and taught for years that God is close to the brokenhearted (and I still believe that). But that night I didn’t feel it. And if I’m honest I still haven’t felt that in the months preceding. At other times in my life I’ve had profound experiences and I’ve known beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was with me. I know in my head that God is with me, but I sure haven’t felt it.
Throughout this journey I’ve known in my head that God is good. But I can’t bring myself to say that, and I sure don’t feel it. I’ve accepted what’s happened and it doesn’t affect my day to day. However I still don’t have peace, I don’t have an answer, and I still haven’t felt any comfort.
It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. Breaking the news to friends and family was some of the hardest conversations I’ve had. Bringing this into the open hasn’t been easy. At every turn I want to isolate myself and withdraw from community. But I know I shouldn’t. I know because I’ve preached for years in the most difficult seasons you shouldn’t run from people, but rather run towards people. But knowledge doesn’t make doing what you know is right easier.
I’ll keep pushing forward. In this life I doubt I will ever understand, I doubt I will ever have peace. But what I do have is faith. I trust that God is working in ways I cannot see or understand. I trust that the best hands my baby can be in is God’s, even if that means they are not my hands. I trust that all my affliction is temporary. I trust that every millisecond of my misery is producing a peculiar eternal glory. I trust that this is not meaningless.
My faith isn’t based on my feelings. Because I certainly don’t feel this way most days. Daily I have to remind myself of the truth of the Gospel. Daily I have to preach to myself. I trust that God is good, not because of my circumstance, but because that’s all He can be.
Therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for. John Piper
Maybe you’ve been through this. Maybe you’ve been through something different but still hurt. I can’t promise things will get better. But I do believe you can get through whatever it is you are facing.
During this season I had many doubts. I wrote another article specifically on doubt, you can read it here: Faith and Doubt (and how they coexist)
Share Your Story
The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my experience. I wanted to bottle it up and not tell anyone. But what I needed to do was tell someone. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone, especially in hard times. You need to tell others. Don’t keep it in.
I’m terrible at telling this kind of news so I just kinda vomit it out there. That’s the only way I know how. It’s not pretty, but it gets it out there. Find a friend or family member you can tell. Don’t worry about the words, just say it.
Take a risk and tell someone what’s going on in your life. Don’t bottle it up and hold it in. Not only is it better for you to share, but you never know the impact your story will make.
Express What You are Feeling to God
Whether you are angry, sad, depressed, numb, or whatever else give it to God. Exactly how you feel, don’t censor yourself. Just give it to him. For me I journal my prayers. I found this helpful because I get a little distracted and writing helps me focus. It’s the way I’ve found that I can best describe what I’m feeling to God.
Another thing that helps me is listening to some music that expresses what I’m feeling. I’m not really a worship music guy. I don’t connect with most of the songs out there, but there are a few. So make a playlist and use that as an expression to God.
Though you Slay Me by Shane and Shane
A Prayer by Kings Kaleidoscope
Find your way, whatever it is, to get what’s in your mind and on your heart to God.
Don’t Stop Trusting God
My first reaction is well if you aren’t going to do this for me, why should I trust you again? But I’m not God and there are plenty of things in this world I just will not understand this side of eternity. It comes down to where your faith it. Is it in your circumstances? Or is it in the promise of the Gospel?
That’s a tough question to ask yourself. But faith based in circumstances will always fall apart. Faith built on the promises of God will stand firm. Don’t let your difficult circumstances dictate your faith. Get alone with God and preach the Gospel to yourself daily.
I don’t have answers… I wish I did, but I don’t. I have far more questions than anything else. But what I do know is there are people out there with a similar story. I know I’m not alone. I wanted to put this struggle to words for those that have experienced it; maybe you can get some comfort that your thoughts and questions are normal and others have been there too. I get it, I’ve been there.
I also want people that have not experienced this loss to have a small idea of what it is like. If that’s you maybe when you have a friend or family member go through this you can be there for them. You don’t have to have any words. Just your presence, just a phone call, can be comforting.
And if nothing else I can share my story which is part of the healing process.
If you’ve experienced this I would love to hear your story. Comment your experience below.
I just had my best friend confide in me about her recent miscarriage. She & I have been friends for over 20 years. I actually hadn’t spoken to her in about a year. I’m Christian & she’s expressed interest in learning about God, Jesus & the bible, from me. We spoke a few times & had our first bible study & then met for lunch. It was on the way to lunch she shared her story. I was surprised & honestly did not know how to respond. I tried comforting her but I feel that I failed. However, after reading your article I have a better understanding of some of the feelings she may be experiencing and wanted to thank you for sharing for story. It also helps me to understand ways that I may be able to show her support. I am so sorry for your loss.
March 27th, 2021. That was one of the happiest days of my life. After 3 years of praying and hoping and wishing and tests and medicines, my husband and I were finally expecting our first child. I couldn’t tell you how much I thanked God and praised him that day. Our long wait was finally over, we were finally going to have our little miracle. We bought announcement shirts and we only told a few close family and friends about our little one. We couldn’t wait for Mother’s Day to tell the whole world. April 17th, 2021. I spent an entire weekend in and out of hospitals. I was bleeding and I was in pain and no one could give me any answers to what was wrong. I was only just 7 weeks along at the time. After performing an ultrasound, the doctor told me they couldn’t find my baby anywhere. My worst fears had come true. I was referred to a specialist and within two days, I had my answer. April 20th, 2021. The doctor performed the ultrasound again and confirmed the worst news I had ever heard. Our baby was gone. For a week, I laid at home alone and cried. I had to take 3 different kinds of medicine, one of which made me violently ill. I was in so much physical pain, but even more emotional pain. I have recovered now and I have returned back to working two jobs. Yet, I still feel so much grief and hurt. Many nights I still cry myself to sleep. My world has been shattered and my faith has been shaken to the core. I keep asking so many questions and coming up with no answers. “Why my baby?” “Why give us our blessing just to take it away?” “What kind of sick joke is this?” “All of my friends carrying children are fine, why not me?” No answers ever come. When people ask me how I’m doing, I can’t even try to describe how I feel or how much I’m hurting. Most tell me to turn to God and He will heal my hurt. I love God, I have faith in Him. That will never change. But I find myself not being able to pray, not being able to talk to him. I feel like we are just disagreeing. I don’t blame God for what happened. I just don’t understand why He would take my baby after just giving us such a blessing. Why not just have let it be another month of disappointment and negative tests? The heartache would’ve been so much less than this. We aren’t suppose to ask questions. But I can’t help but ask why. I know I’ll never get those answers and I know my child resides with Him. Maybe one day soon, I’ll be ready to talk to Him about it too. May 9th, 2021. It’s Mothers Day. And I sit the mother of a baby I can only ever hold in my heart, but never in my arms.
So so sorry for your loss Laura. I hope you find yourself doing better recently. I had a miscarriage 08/04/21, this baby was planned and wanted. I too question God, I know He is good and I know He didn’t cause the loss, but I question why He permitted it when as you say everyone else is having babies just fine. I know it is not our place to question, but I cannot help it, especially at nights when all is silent and the tears come. I find solace that my baby is in heaven and I will one day see him/her. May God continue giving you peace and strength.
I have been through so many bad circumstances in my life, losing loved ones, illness, poverty, violence, all with unanswered prayers and I never lost my faith or trust in God but after having a healthy baby at 13 weeks and a dead one 4 days later I just feel like I can never forgive him, never trust him, never believe in his goodness again.
I think what makes it hardest for me is that I have seen him perform miracles and I cannot understand why he wouldn’t for my child.I had praised him for this child, a friend I had not spoken to was told in a dream about my pregnancy… I had prayed for this child and not expected it and then when I was pregnant I was so happy and praising. I trudged through the physical toil of the first trimester but my heart was always in song. Then just as I should have been safe (second trimester) the Rug was yanked out from under me.
I am so empty and sad and angry.
Hi Sarah, thank you for sharing part of your story. I know that can be difficult to do.
I’ve asked those exact same questions you have asked and felt those same feelings. The reality is there’s no magic answer anyone can give that will make it all better. God never gives us the answer to our “why” questions. Instead he says I’m with you. Even Jesus was subjected to the worst the world had through throw at him. His promise is one of understanding our pain, not an absence from it. I don’t always get it, but that’s the consistent message in the Bible.
My encouragement to you is surround yourself with a few others that you can be honest with and that will just listen. And don’t withdraw from God. Give him whatever is on your heart. Even if it’s angry and ugly. He can take it. My journal is often full of pretty offensive language when I’m struggling because that’s where my heart is. We have to give him our heart for him to heal it. It’s okay to pray whatever you are feeling.
It takes time. For me it was a long dark season. I felt lots of silence from God. But I came through the other side. And you will too. Don’t let go of God and let the people in your life be a support for you.
If you want a few resources let me know. Or if you have additional questions. I can give you some ideas for some books to help with why God allows bad to happen. If you are interested email me at jeff@rethinknow.org
I was once lost in the wilderness.. Didn’t know what to do, I found it hard to seek God during that period. But am so grateful to my parents and good friends who never stopped teaching me the way of Abraham in the bible. Also I got to learn more about God in reading books and also good articles like this one. Thanks for this great piece. And also appreciate you following my blog. Bless you
Thank you for sharing…. I feel the pain of miscarriage as well, it’s still fresh and to be honest I want the hell off this roller coaster and out of this pain, but I know that it is not all in vain and that my baby is waiting for me in heaven and will be there to greet me and it will be the most precious reunion in the most precious place……. I take comfort in the fact that my baby never had to know the pains and fears and sadness of this miserable world and that it only knew the love of Jesus, safety and security, what more could a parent ask for, for their child, even though it feels like i might die from the pain, if it means my child is free from suffering, then I’d do it all over again…… God bless you and I pray you keep on healing through Him…. the one who knows more pain than we can imagine…..
I’ve suffered 6 miscarriages in the last 15 months and up until today, I have bitterly pointed my finger at God and why He would “allow” these things to happen. What I’m slowly coming to terms with is that yes he allows it, however, allows is not the same as approves. The moment he put the tree of knowledge in the garden was the moment he gave us free will and all that would be a consequence of it…including when our bodies fail us. He is grieving WITH us and not just standing off to the side. I kept thinking well, God is just not fair. But what I’ve come to realize is that God is JUST-not fair. He is just, in that he does not want to harm us but things do happen in ways we cannot understand and can hurt. He is not fair, in that I feel like I deserve to have a child…but If I really got what I “deserve”, it would be eternal death and separation from God yet he has given us eternal life with him through Jesus. I have to believe that what He says is true and stand on his promises to prosper and not destroy. I wrote a song, really it was my prayer, after the 1st one that I still hold close to my heart every day as an attempt to find my way through the pain and back into His calming presence.
I pray you can find comfort from it as well – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqjCPwzq2ro&feature=youtu.be
We don’t understand why things happen as they do but we can be certain that they everything will work out for the best. I had a miscarriage years ago an experienced the grief and pain . My heart hurts for you and your wife. But know that one day you will look back and see how it was for the best. I have just posted of my events if any comfort you can get. He knows His plans for you. Trust Him.
Nicely written??
Thanks for sharing your story and thank you so much for the very wise advice. It’s true that people should open up and tell their story, no matter how raw. I am blessed to see that many bloggers are doing just that and it is helping them greatly. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Thank YOU for sharing! It’s so taboo. But I’m breaking the silence too. 5 miscarriages and years of infertility. I’m sharing to help others. Please consider following me to help BUILD the network of sharing to help others. I also have a newly formed youtube channel dedicated to helping others.
Back in 1978, I lost twin girls through a miscarriage. I went through six months of depression following and like you I asked God why? For me, as God would have it, I gave live birth to a son, Jeffrey, who I became pregnant with before the twins original due date. When I saw his face, I knew then what I could not see during the storm of loss. God worked it out for good, for a reason, for a purpose. Now today, once again, I feel your pain and I understand your loss. Like Jesus who cried with his friends who lost their brother Lazarus. I cried with you. May the God of all Comfort wrap you in His loving arms. I’m truly sorry for your loss.
I lost a child. It was sad and disturbing. I so wanted that baby! It died inside me and, yet, didn’t make its way out of my body. Finally, after six weeks of grief and pregnancy symptoms, I went in for surgery. There were plenty of incredibly insensitive people who brushed it off as if it was nothing. Some kind soul gave me a book called “I’ll Hold You in Heaven” by Jack Hayford and it helped me greatly. I have three children and even though it happened before two of them were born, they are close and often speak fondly about meeting their brother or sister in heaven. Just sharing it here is making me cry some 30 years later. Bless you for being authentic and for putting it on the page. I will pray for you, for tangible comfort, peace, and pronounced joy when you think of holding that dear one in heaven. Grace and peace, brother! Thanks for reading my blog!
I appreciate so much what you have written here. I’m sending a link to my sister, who is in a lot of pain over my mom dying of cancer. What you wrote about your struggle is true for so many of us who lose someone we love.
Thank you for writing what a husbands emotions look like in miscarriage. I have had 11 miscarriages and 7 children. My husband and I would beg the Lord to not let me be pregnant just to miscarry again. We wanted pregnancies only to produce babies. I have to admit though with my last miscarriage there was a heartbeat and I knew that another soul went straight into heaven. We were still devastated as we are every time we miscarry but it somehow felt worth it. God bless you both.
Thank you for taking the time and energy to put your story down for us. It was really really helpful and ministering. Blessings!
Incredible stories, I am so grateful for your honesty and openness. Our honesty is the only thing that will help others. God bless all of us! I too had a miscarriage before I had my twins, and again after I had the twins. Then I had baby Chase.
This is excellent advice! Miscarriage is not something I have experienced or can understand. I had a pastor call me when he found out about the demise of my family. He said, “Matthew, I don’t have a clue what to say to you but I know that I needed to call and let you know I’m here.” That was the most honest call I received during that time. Some quoted Romans 8:28 and others said they understood, but I appreciated the one who was just present. As I was trying to bounce back from my issue, my counselor emphasized authenticity. It is sad that many churches and Christian circles don’t want raw honesty. It is often ugly, but it is necessary for true healing.
Great post! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts. ~Shell
Wow! Your blog is truly inspiring to me and helped me in many ways to know I wasn’t alone in the questions I was asking and the train of thought I had. You made a LOT of valid points as well. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers are with you. I just finally posted my miscarriage struggle. Feel free to check out my blog ??
I am very sorry, Jeffrey.
As you likely know, grief is a very real and powerful process. My heart breaks for you and your wife as you embark upon this most unexpected journey.
Also, how very tender of you to share your story with those of us here. I can’t even imagine how difficult it was for you to write the words, but I am grateful that you did so.
I will be praying.
Also, loved this part:
“The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my experience. I wanted to bottle it up and not tell anyone. But what I needed to do was tell someone. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone, especially in the hard times. You need to tell others. Don’t keep it in.”
I felt the same way after it all first happened, but after a few months I was feeling so isolated. I just sat down and wrote it all out and shared it. I felt self conscious at first, but overall I am glad I have written about the journey.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I have had two miscarriages this past year. I had a blighted ovum miscarriage in January 2017 and then a chemical pregnancy in August 2017.
You are right, it is such a strange range of emotions. It’s so hard to understand. One of the hardest parts for me is that it is something we don’t have control over. It’s our own body and we don’t have control over what it will do. I have had trouble myself in feeling my belief in God. Like you said, you know in your head he is with you, but you didn’t feel him. I have had so many feelings of doubt of what the reasoning is behind all of this.
“I don’t have answers… I wish I did, but I don’t. I have far more questions than anything else. But what I do know is there are people out there with a similar story. I know I’m not alone. I wanted to put this struggle to words for those that have experienced it; maybe you can get some comfort that your thoughts and questions are normal and others have been there too. I get it, I’ve been there. And if nothing else I can share my story which is part of the healing process.”
EXACTLY! Well said.
Thank you for being strong and sharing. I have found that writing in my blog has helped me process all of this and in turn I have received responses from others who have had these experiences who said my writing has comforted them. If we can’t understand completely, at least we can try to band together as we all continue on this journey.
God bless and you’re in prayers.
Thank You for sharing. Your words resonate with me deeply. My husband and I have 3 children here on earth with us and 6 waiting for us in heaven. Your right that you never get over it. But I do believe there can be closure that can bring a peace in accepting the loss as part of your story. But that takes time, and perhaps for some it doesn’t come, I pray it does though. For my husband and I it took almost 15 years. Thank you again for sharing, there is healing in sharing our stories.
I believe you have amazing faith and hope. Even Jesus had his moment when he cried out, “God why have you forsaken me?” But remember, he didn’t stay there, he then surrendered his spirit in peace. Did God forsake him? I don’t believe so, that was his only son whom he loved. Sometimes our pain is so great that we can’t hear God’s voice, a voice that is like a whisper. But God is always talking to us…and to you. His will for you is good, he is restorer. There’s a book and a song I highly recommend. The book is The Shack, the movie is great to. It’s a symbolic view into the heart of God and the trinity through unspeakable loss. The song is Miracles by Chris quilala which he wrote when his new born baby died. Thank you for sharing, and God bless you. Praying for you.
I am very sorry to hear that. I hope you find comfort. My sister had a miscarriage years ago. I had had a dream many years prior to that in which she had a miscarriage but then she had another baby. When she had the miscarriage, she reminded me of the dream I had. I had totally forgotten. She said I know it will be ok. She miscarried on Christmas Day in 2009. December 28, 2010, she gave birth to my beautiful nephew. I pray that you find the comfort that you need and I pray for peace above all else.
my wife and I have gone through 11 pregnancies 8 did not survive. 7 of those miscarriages took place after our first 2 children were born. Well meaning people would often encourage us to look on the bright side, we had 2 healthy children.
With no body to burry there was no funeral or memorial service to help us through our grief just people who meant well trying to tell us that we were blessed to have our other children. We never felt we had permission to grieve with fellow believers and friends because to them this wasn’t that big a deal. It angered me that people in the church during their pro-life arguments talked about murdering the unborn and the value of the unborn child but viewed a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage not caused by a doctor) as no big deal.
I believe the church must find a way to play a roll in this grief, to help those who have had a miscarriage to mourn their dead child just as we would for anyone who looses a loved one.
Coming out and telling us your story even though its one of the toughest things you have been experiencing is an encouragement in itself for me. For a couple of years I was like that… i have not opened up my heart to anyone and ran away from people and God when I am in sad that made me more depressed and closed my heart. My thoughts became so close to killing myself at one point. At which point God stopped me and bought me back on a journey to find him and open up. I am inspired by your story that you shared it. I know that the struggle is real. Hope God gives you strength everyday.
We lost a baby at about 8 weeks (not technically miscarriage, but she had D&C) over 23 years ago. It was hard for her, but no so much for me. It didn’t seem very real to me at the time. But fast forward to last June, and we suffered a soul crushing loss when our 17 year old daughter was killed in a church bus accident. And we deal with a lot of the same things you talk about. We believe that God is good, regardless of our circumstances, but that is something people say when something goes their way. We prayed (a lot) for the mission trip that she was going on, yet God still allowed her to be taken. That is hard to reconcile sometimes. It is a choice to trust and believe, even when you don’t always feel it.
Lots of love to you. God bless xxx
I had a miscarriage 3 1/2 years ago. I was very surprised to find out I was pregnant at age 45. I had read my chances of miscarriage was 50 percent. But at my first 8 week check up, I thought this is really happening and I was excited. Love babies. Have 3 other children. Anyway I was scheduled for an ultrasound at 9 weeks, but lost it days before. My heart was truly broken. It is a terrible thing to go through. A few days afterwards the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “your love for this child is neither lost or is it wasted.” And some how that helped. Blessings!!
Jeffery-
Love your honest, sincere words to which so many can relate- I am sorry you are living with the reality that your child is in Heaven before you. I am also a bereaved parent- now 11 years out in my journey.
I would like to make you aware of a faith-based support group exclusively for bereaved parents. It is called While We’re Waiting. God has really blessed this ministry in growth across the nation and beyond. Please check out the website for information- they also have a FB page where parents may post freely in an environment of safety & understanding.
I am going to share your blog post on the WWW FB page today. Praying blessings & comfort to you & your family-?
A friend once told me, after I had my miscarriage, tell the Lord axactly how you feel. He already knows anyway. But she also said, don’t stay there, because I know that exactly what I felt like doing. But God is faithful
Thanks for sharing your story while pointing us in the direction of hope in Christ. I know it’s difficult, but I am positive God will use it to bring hope to someone else. He never wastes a hurt.
I’m praying for you and yours to experience the peace and comfort of God.
Grace and peace,
Beckie
Jeffery, I love your open heart; transparent Christianity. May our God hold you in His loving arms and help you find peace.
We all have struggles. Our oldest son, who is 52, has small cell lung cancer. He has been told at the best he has 5 more years. My wife is a diabetic that lives in denial. I have been watching her health decline slowly over the years. I watched my own father die of cancer. It took a year from diagnosis until he passed.
The only way I have found to cope with watching people I love slowly die is the Job story you wrote about. God’s answer is all I have to cling to. He is God. It is His plan. It is His creation. It is not about me.
I try to imagine humanity from God’s perspective. He can see every person that ever lived and will live at the same time. They are all a piece of the fabric of eternity He is weaving. We are a very small part of it all, and yet He loves us deeply. He teaches us through it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. It is never about what I want. It is His creation and His plan.
All that being said, I don’t have to understand. I just need to be surrendered and ready to be put into action with what He is teaching me when He calls me to get into the game.
My faith is simple. He is God and I am not. That is all. May He teach us through lives tragedies what He needs us to know to help others find Him in the storms.
God be with you Jeffery
AMAZING!!✨??❤️